WEDDING CEREMONY

WEDDING CEREMONY
INDONESIA WEDDING TRADITIONS

Count yourself fortunate if you've had the opportunity to attend an Indonesian wedding. The fascinating wedding ceremonies and festivities give expatriates a unique opportunity to gain insight into Indonesian culture and social mores. Given the broad diversity of ethnic groups in Indonesia, it stands to reason that wedding customs will reflect this diversity. Each ethnic group has different wedding dress and different marriage ceremonies and customs. Within ethnic groups, those of different religious backgrounds will have different practices as well. As a expatriate living in Indonesia you may on occasion receive a wedding invitation. You may not know how to act, what to bring or what your role as a guest in the wedding should be. We'd like to outline what happens at most weddings in Indonesia to help prepare you. If in doubt, consult colleagues or friends that you know have been invited or ask colleagues or your secretary to determine what appropriate dress and gift would be.
Attendance is Important
One of the most important concepts at Indonesian weddings seems to be 'the more the merrier'. Literally every relative, acquaintance, colleague or business partner could be invited to the wedding. Joining a group of others that are invited, even if you did not receive an invitation personally addressed to you, is also okay (as long as it's not a sit down dinner -in which case the limit is clearly stated on the invitation). Indonesians are truly honored by your attendance at a wedding. Attending shows that you care, that you respect the people involved and your relationship with them, that you honor the family and want to show your support of the newlyweds. Don't question the intent of colleagues or subordinates who, upon short acquaintance, invite you to their daughter's or son's wedding. They really do want you to come!

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On the other hand, not responding to the invitation, or not attending can cause a significant insult and slight to the giver, which can cause problems in your relationship in the future. Having said that .. you are not obligated to attend
every wedding that you receive an invitation for.

The Invitation
Wedding invitations in Jakarta and other urban centers can be very extravagant. The date on the outside of the envelope is very practical if you receive many wedding invitations. In rural areas, the invitation is done via visits from the family to neighbors and friends. The sincere welcome extended to guests is noted on the invitation with wording such as "Merupakan suatu kehormatan & kebahagiaan bagi kami apabila Bapak/Ibu/Saudara/i berkenan hadir untuk memberikan doa restu kepada kedua mempelai" or "Tiada yang dapat kami ungkapkan selain ucapan terima kasih dari hati yang tulus atas kehairan serta pemberian do. a restu Bapak/Ibu/Saudara/i kepada putra-putri kami". Both of these phrases mean that you do the family great honor by attending and extending blessings upon the bride and groom. On the invitation will be noted the date, time and place for the Akad Nikah, which is the actual wedding ceremony,as well as the Resepsi Pernikahan, which is the wedding reception. Even though both ceremonies are noted on the invitation, the majority of people will only attend the reception. If you would like to attend the wedding ceremony, as this is when most of the cultural ceremonies take place, be sure to ask the person who gave you the invitation if this would be okay. They will probably say yes, but it's best to clear it first as usually a much smaller crowd or just close family members are expected to witness the actual exchange of marriage vows.


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Appropriate Dress
For women, nice dresses, much as you would wear to a wedding at home. For men, a business suit or a long-sleeved batik shirt with slacks. It would be appropriate to wear a long sleeved dress to a Muslim wedding reception. It is not necessary for an expatriate woman to cover her head, though many of the Indonesian attendees may do so.
The Gift
In the past (as in the mid-90s before the economic crisis), the grand, glorious, conspicuously extravagant weddings in Jakarta were gifted with large floral displays which were placed outside the reception hall. Or, wedding guests brought a wide variety of household goods as gifts. In a large wedding, to which thousands of people may be invited, there would be many duplications of gifts. It would not be unusual at avery large wedding for the wedding couple to receive, for example, 15 blenders, 20 mixers, 10 toasters, 25 rice cookers, 5 refrigerators, 3 cars, etc. Therefore, a relatively new practice arose in the mid-90s whereby the wedding couple asks the attendees not to bring gifts or floral displays by the inclusion of additional wording on the invitation "Dengan tidak mengurangi rasa hormat dan terima kasih, akan lebih bermanfaat seandainya ungkapan kasih sayang yang mungkin akan diberikan kepada kami tidak berupa cendera mata atau karangan bunga" or "Dengan tidak mengurangi rasa hormat kami, akan sangat berterima kasih apabila tanda kasih yang akan diberikan tidak berupa cenderamata atau karangan bunga". This translates as, Without belittling your generosity, we'd appreciate it if you didn't give us flowers or a gift. This is a nice way of asking for money instead of gifts. At the reception desk there will be a beautifully decorated box with a slit in the top into which you can insert an envelope with money.



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If you choose to give money and are uncertain of an papropriate amount to give, ask your secretary or Indonesian colleagues for their suggestions. Sometimes the hostesses will number your envelope as well as next to your signature in the guest book, so that the bride and groom know how much money you gave. Having said this, you are not obligated to bring a gift to the wedding
Thank Yous
Don't expect a thank you note after the wedding for your gift. In many weddings attendees are given a small token upon their arrival, a fan, key chain or other item. Attached to this item will be a thank you for your attendance.
Wedding Receptions
The difference in the income level of the individuals will, needless to say, have a great bearing on the extent of the wedding celebrations. Weddings in Jakarta range from simple meals in the family home, to small receptions in community centers to grand extravagant affairs in the Jakarta Convention Center or 5-star hotel ballrooms. At most wedding receptions, the guests arrive, sign the guest book, accept their thank you token, deposit their gift and enter the reception hall. The path into the reception hall will be flanked left and right with members of the extended families, often dressed in similar traditional dress. A smile and nod to some of these people would be appropriate. Following the family members may be young men and women holding a chain of flowers. This is called the pagar ayu or 'fence of beauty'. If you arrive on time you will be able to witness the procession of the wedding couple into the reception hall. Depending on the wealth, social standing or ethnic group, this procession can be quite impressive. The bride and groom may be proceeded by dancers who give a traditional dance performance before the wedding couple goes on stage. Or the performance may come after the bride and groom are seated.

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The parents of the bride and groom and other senior family members will follow the couple in procession into the room. Then come the speeches! A representative of each family will address the crowd to thank them for their attendance and to give long, complex expressions of regret if any arrangements for the reception are lacking or found wanting. Depending on whether or not you have one or two representatives speak (thank goodness at some weddings there is only one person representing both families), the speeches can take up to half an hour.
After the speeches, the guests are invited to come to the stage and shake the hands of the bride and groom and their parents. Depending on the number of guests this receiving line can go on for hours. Traditional music may beplayed throughout the reception.
After going through the receiving line, the guests are invited to eat. The feast can be quite extensive and is a good opportunity to try cuisine from different regions. It could be as simple as nasi goreng or bakmi goreng, ikan asem-manis to the more elaborate where there will be food stalls with sushi, tempura, kambing guling, dim sum, beef Wellington and other western dishes. Once the speeches are complete, it is also acceptable to eat first and then join the receiving line after your meal if the line is quite long.
When should you arrive and how long should you stay?
While some attendees will arrive early, the timing of your arrival should be determined by whether or not you want to see the procession and hear the speeches. If you do want to, you should come on time. If you. d rather miss the grand entrance and speeches, you can come 30-60 minutes after the time noted on the invitation. Then you can enter immediately into the reception hall, shake hands and proceed to the buffet tables. The length of time you spend at the reception is entirely up to you.

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Many Indonesians may only stay 15-30 minutes to eat a small snack after shaking hands, especially if they have another invitation to attend that night. Some people can even have up to 5 or 6 wedding invitations for one evening! If you are enjoying the splendor and the food, know lots of the attendees and enjoy the chance to chat, stick around and enjoy yourself. If, on the other hand, you don't know anyone who is there, it is acceptable to shake hands, eat and leave promptly (SMP-sudah makan pulang-when you've finished eating you can go home :). In a small wedding you will shake hands again before leaving. Don't expect that alcohol will be served at the wedding reception or that there would be dancing, this is highly unlikely. Likewise, coming to a wedding after drinking would be considered very rude. Even if the groom is your drinking buddy, weddings are not an appropriate venue in which to be drunk.
Indonesian Ethnic Weddings
The primary differences between wedding receptions of different ethnic groups would be in the style of wedding dress, stage decorations, food served and the dance performance. Besides that, most weddings follow somewhat predictable patterns as described above. More differences would be evident in the traditional wedding ceremonies than in the receptions.
Sundanese Wedding Ceremony
Some common practices from a traditional Sundanese (West Java) wedding ceremony:
Welcoming the bridegroom ceremony
• The bridegroom is welcomed with the umbul-umbul, a decoration indicating that a wedding ceremony is going on, which is also auspicious for the bridegroom.
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• The welcome is followed by a procession of ladies with candles. They pray to the Almighty seeking His blessing in order that there maybe no hindrances in the ceremony.
• The showering of flowers by the dancers is symbolic of a fragrant future for the couple.
• The umbrella held over the couple's heads, apart from serving as a protective symbol, indicates esteem and respect.
• The mother of the bride gives the bridegroom a garland of flowers indicating his acceptability to the family.
• The mother of the bride gives the bridegroom a keris, a hidden message to the son-in-law not to be disheartened while toiling for his family.
Wedding ceremony
The bride and groom are seated next to each other with a selendang or veil covering their heads indicating two people but having one mind.
The bride and groom bend forward and kiss the knees of their parents, called sungkem, asking for forgiveness and blessing and reassuring them that they will continue to serve their parents.

Sawer
This ceremony should take place in front of the sawer or gargoyle. The water flowing from the gargoyle indicates the continuous flow of priceless parental love for their children. The bride and groom are seated under an umbrella in front of the entrance to the house. There are two singers, a man and a woman, who sing on behalf of the parents. The song, called kidung, advises the couple to treat each other well, living in harmony, and serves as a prayer to the Almighty to bless the couple.
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Then the sawer is showered on the couple. It consists of: Turmeric rice Rice is a sign of prosperity and yellow stands for everlasting love Coins Reminding the couple to share their wealth with the less fortunate Candy Indicates sweetness and fragrance throughout their marriage A betel nut set near the couple is a reminder that their different customs should not spoil their harmonious marriage.
Nincak Endog
This is the egg breaking ceremony. The couple are required to stand facing each other in front of the entrance of the house. The bridegroom stands outside the entrance and the bride is inside the entrance. This ceremony is conducted by the lady in charge of the bridal makeup and serves as advice to the couple for their happiness and long wedded life. The following items are used:
a. Harupat, seven broomsticks, are burnt and thrown away symbolizing the discarding of bad habits which endanger one. s married life.
b. An egg is broken, indicating that the groom will be the master of the house henceforth and the bride will serve him.
c. Ajug, seven candles, represents the direction the couple should follow to ensure a happy married life.
d. Elekon, hollow bamboo, which symbolizes emptiness.
e. Kendi, an earthen water jug filled with water, which stands for peace.
f. In the past, unmarried girls were not allowed to cross over logs. Here the bride is made to cross the log as a sign that she will always obey her husband.

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The lady in charge of the ceremony gives the bride the harupat. The groom lights the harupat with the ajug. Then the flames are put out and the sticks are broken and thrown away. After the groom breaks the egg with his right foot, the bride cleans the groom's foot with the water from the kendi. Then the bride throws the kendi to break it. Then the couple are escorted to the house. The bride crosses the log and enters the house while the groom remains outside to perform the buka pintu ceremony.
Open the door
This is a dialogue between the bride and groom in front of the house. However, they are represented by a couple who also sings for them. First, the couple knocks three times on the door, then enters into a dialogue whereby permission is requested by the groom to enter the bride's house. The bride consents on the condition that the groom will say the syahadat (confirming his Moslem faith). The song also solemnizes the importance of the nuptial ceremony.
Huap Lingkung
Symbolic of the last time the parents of the bride will feed their daughter. This is also the first dish prepared by the daughter in her new home. The dish consists of turmeric sticky rice with yellow spiced chicken on top of it.
Patarik-Tarik Bakakak
The couple are given a barbecued spiced chicken. On hearing the word . go. from the lady conducting the ceremony, the couple has to pull the chicken apart. The one who gets the larger piece supposedly will bring in the larger share of the family fortune. This ceremony also serves to remind the couple to encourage each other to work hard together to gain good fortune.

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UNITED STATES WEDDING TRADITIONS
The United States has few wedding traditions that are totally unique to the U.S. Virtually all U.S. wedding traditions and customs have either been taken directly from a wide range of other countries and cultures – primarily European – or they have evolved from traditions in other nations. This is certainly easily understood since the United States was originally populated by immigrants from many lands, primarily Europe. These immigrants brought their own wedding traditions with them, and these traditions, stirred in the melting pot of the United States, have slowly evolved into the traditional “American” wedding ceremony.
In truth, many people still retain many of their ethnic wedding traditions, and this, too, has become part and parcel of the “American” wedding ceremony. In the U.S. we are very comfortable in allowing a wide diversity of traditions and ceremonies. There are a few things that all U.S. weddings have in common. To begin with, U.S. wedding ceremonies may be either religious or civil. Most brides prefer a large and rather elaborate ceremony if it is their first wedding Marriages are not “arranged.” A typical U.S. wedding takes place between two people who have sought out a partner and have found someone whom they believe they can share their life with. In other words, in the United States marriages are based on LOVE. They are not arranged to strengthen family business or influence.
Old wedding traditions may have held that a prospective groom had to ask the bride’s father for his blessing, but that tradition is seldom respected any longer, if it was ever respected to a wide degree in the U.S. While a young man and a young woman hope that both sets of parents will give their blessing to a union, and often a blessing will be asked more as a courtesy than for an actual blessing, such a blessing is not required or always sought.

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Wedding planning can be elaborate and time-consuming and many brides today opt to have a professional wedding planner take care of the thousand-and-one details of the glorious day. A Traditional United States wedding is a fairly large and elaborate affair, especially when it is the first wedding for the bride. Traditionally the bride wears a while wedding dress and white wedding veil. Prior to the wedding itself, it is traditional for the Maid of Honor to throw a bridal shower as part of the bridal ceremonies. During the bridal shower the bride-to-be will receive small gifts, often of a humorous nature, often gifts for use on the honeymoon.
While a religious setting, such as a church, synagogue or mosque is not mandatory, the more traditional U.S. weddings do take place in a religious setting. Family and friends are formally invited. Ushers seat guests, there are bride’s maids, a best man, flower girls, a ring bearer, music (often chosen by the bride and/or the groom) and many other amenities designed to make the day special and memorable.
The traditional ceremony itself is often conducted by a religious leader known to the bride and/or the groom. The ceremony may include wedding vows written by the bride and the groom, in which they speak of their love and their desire to make their partner safe, happy and secure, and to be faithful to their partner and their partner alone for the rest of their lives.
At the conclusion of the ceremony, it is traditional for the official to ask if anyone present knows of any just cause why this man and this woman may not be legally married. Getting no response, the official asks the couple to exchange wedding rings, a symbol of their never-ending love and commitment to one another, and then the happy couple is pronounced, in front of family and friends (witnesses) to be husband and wife. Traditionally the newlyweds kiss to seal their union. As the couple leave the church they are often showered with rice or wheat (symbols of fertility) and the couple is then taken to a home, restaurant or other facility where a wedding reception
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takes place. Speeches and toasts are given to the new couple, wishing them every happiness. Gifts are an important part of the U.S. wedding tradition. Gifts are given to help the new couple establish a new home together; often gifts of cash are given. A couple may “register” at a specific store where their gift needs are tracked. This allows well-wishers to not only purchase gifts that are truly useful to the new couple, but to also be assured that no one else has purchased the same gift. Following the reception the couple traditionally goes on a honeymoon, during which their marriage is consummated. A honeymoon may last from several days to two or more weeks. Couples who do not wish to go through the stress of an elaborate traditional wedding ceremony may choose to elope. An elopement involves much less work and much less preparation. The couple merely goes to a justice of the peace and is quietly married in a civil wedding ceremony. They may or may not include a small number or friends and/or family. U.S. wedding ceremonies and wedding customs are among the most flexible in all the world. Whatever your weddings needs are, whatever your ideas of the perfect wedding venue, the wedding customs and wedding ceremonies that are right for you, you will find that they will all find a welcome home within the ideal of the American Wedding tradition.
United States customs
A Christian or other mainstream wedding and reception (including a Jewish wedding) in the United States follow a similar pattern to the Italian wedding. Customs and traditions vary but components include the following:
• The bride wears “something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue.” (See also Ceremonial clothing in Western cultures.)
• The bride usually wears a white dress.
• A color scheme is often used so that the invitation matches the bridesmaids' dresses and the table settings.
• Rice is sometimes thrown at the newlyweds as they leave the ceremony.
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• The bride's family sends engraved invitations to the wedding guests, addressed by hand (or in an elegant font) to show the importance and personal meaning of the occasion.
• Guests send or deliver wedding gifts to the bride's family home before the wedding day.
• A wedding ceremony takes place at a church or other location, such as an outdoor venue.
At the wedding reception following the ceremony, sometimes at the same location but sometimes at a different venue:
• The bridal party lines up in a receiving line and the wedding guests file past, introducing themselves.
• Usually snacks or a meal are served while the guests and bridal party mingle.
• Often the best man and/or maid of honor toast the bride and groom with personal thoughts, stories, and well-wishes; sometimes other guests follow with their own toasts. Champagne, sparkling cider, or nonalcoholic carbonated drinks are usually provided for this purpose.
• Clinking silverware against glassware obliges the newlyweds to kiss.
• If dancing is provided, the bride and groom first dance together. Often further protocol is followed, where they dance first with their respective mother and father, then possibly with the maid of honor and best man; then the bride and groom rejoin while the parents of the bride and groom join the dance and the best man and maid of honor dance together; then other attendants join in; then finally everyone is entitled to dance. Dancing continues throughout the reception. Music is sometimes provided by a live band or musical ensemble, sometimes by a disc jockey.
• In some cultures, the money dance takes place, in which it is expected and encouraged for guests to pin money onto the young bride and groom to help them get started in their new lives.
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• The cake-cutting ceremony takes place; the bride and groom jointly hold a cake cutter--often a special silver keepsake cutter purchased or given as a gift for the occasion--and cut the first pieces of the wedding cake. They then entwine arms and feed each other a bite of cake.
• In some social groups, the bride and groom smear cake on each other's faces at this time.
• The bride tosses her bouquet over her shoulder to the assembled unmarried women; the woman who catches it, superstition has it, will be the next to marry. In some social groups, the process is repeated for unmarried men with the groom tossing the bride's garter for the same purpose.
• Gifts are not opened at the reception; they are either opened ahead of time and sometimes displayed at the reception, or if guests could not deliver gifts ahead of time, they are placed on a table at the reception for the bride and groom to take home with them and open later.
Wedding gifts
The purpose of inviting guests was to have them witness a couple's marriage ceremony and vows and to share in the bride and groom's joy and celebration. Gifts for the bride and groom are optional, although most guests attempt to give at least a token gift of their best wishes. Some brides and grooms and families feel, contrary to proper etiquette, that for the expense and effort they put into showing their guests a good time and to wine and dine them, the guests should reciprocate by providing nice gifts or cash.
The couple often registers for gifts at a store well in advance of their wedding. This allows them to create a list of household items, usually including china, silverware and crystalware; often including linen preferences, pots and pans, and similar items.

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With brides and grooms who might already be independent and have lived on their own, even owning their own homes, they sometimes register at hardware or home improvement stores. Registries are intended to make it easy for guests who wish to purchase gifts to feel comfortable that they are purchasing gifts that the newlyweds will truly appreciate. The registry information should, according to etiquette, be provided only to guests who request it. Some couples register with services that enable money gifts intended to fund items such as a honeymoon, home purchase or college fund. Some guests may find bridal registries inappropriate. They can be seen as an anathema to traditional notions behind gift buying, such as contravening the belief that "one should be happy for what they receive", taking away the element of surprise, and leading to present buying as a type of competition, as the couple knows the costs of each individual item. It may also be seen by some as inappropriate to invite people who do not know either the bride or groom well enough to be able to pick out an appropriate gift.
African-American customs
Jumping the broom developed out West African Asante custom. The broom in Asante and other Akan cultures also held spiritual value and symbolized sweeping away past wrongs or warding off evil spirits. Brooms were waved over the heads of marrying couples to ward off spirits. The couple would often but not always jump over the broom at the end of the ceremony.
The custom took on additional significance in the context of slavery in the United States. Slaves had no right to legal marriage; slaveholders considered slaves property and feared that legal marriage and family bonds had the potential to lead to organization and revolt. Marriage rituals, however, were important events to the Africans, who came in many cases come from richly-ceremonial African cultures. Taking marriage vows in the presence of a witness and then leaping over the handle of a broom became the common practice to create a recognized union.
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Brooms are also symbols of the hearth, the center of the new family being created. Jumping the broom has become a practice in many modern weddings between Black AmericansThere are also traditions of broom jumping in Europe, in the Wicca and Celtic communities especially. They are probably unconnected with the African practice
Pygmy wedding traditions
Pygmy engagements were not long and usually formalized by an exchange of visits between the families concerned. The groom to be would bring a gift of game or maybe a few arrows to his new in-laws, take his bride home to live in his band and with his new parents. His only obligation is to find among his relatives a girl willing to marry a brother or male cousin of his wife. If he feels he can feed more than one wife, he may have additional wives.
Overview
Most weddings contain wedding vows and a proclamation of marriage, usually by the officiant. Most weddings also involve wearing traditional clothes (i.e., kilts, white gown, red sari, etc.). A wedding is often followed or accompanied by a wedding reception. Other elements may include music, poetry, prayer or scripture. Some elements of the traditional Western wedding ceremony symbolize the bride's departure from her father's control and entry into a new family with her husband. In modern Western weddings, this symbolism is largely vestigial.
A wedding carriage in Bristol, England
The common element in a wedding is the assumption of spousal roles by the primary participants. The wedding is a special moment that marks the beginning of a new life together.


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Often, it is also a precursor to parenthood, marking the promise of a new family and a new generation. This moment is recognized with traditions, ceremonies and rituals including engagement and wedding ceremonies. When it comes to planning a wedding, people often honor traditions, even if they do not fully understand their origin or meaning. Every culture cherishes its own wedding traditions and superstitions. Some of those are closely followed even by those who are normally not superstitious. The figure of a bride in white is an important element of the ritual of marriage in western culture. However, new designs of gown are available so brides today may find themselves attracted to designs that do not look traditional. The symbolism behind the wedding dress, however, has not changed.
Wedding types and kinds
Western-style ceremony
In recent years, the "Western Style Wedding" (influenced by a Christian church wedding) has become an increasingly popular choice. To that end, an entire industry has sprung up, dedicated to providing couples with a ceremony modeled after Protestant church ceremonies. Japanese western style weddings are generally held in a chapel, either in a simple or elaborate ceremony, often at a dedicated wedding chapel within a hotel. Typically, much like in Western ceremonies, the bride and groom get their own changing rooms within the chapel, as does the bride's father and any other important guest who requires such a room. There is also a room to hold the reception afterwards. Before the ceremony, there is a rehearsal. Often during this rehearsal, the bride's mother lowers the veil for her daughter, signifying the last act that a mother can do for her daughter, before giving her away. The father of the bride, much like in Western ceremonies, walks the bride down the aisle to her awaiting groom.

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After the rehearsal comes the procession. The wedding celebrant will often wear a wedding cross, or cana, a cross with two interlocking wedding rings attached, which symbolize a couple's commitment to sharing a life together in the bonds of holy matrimony. The wedding celebrant gives a brief welcome and an introductory speech before announcing the bride's entrance. The procession ends with the groom bowing to the bride's father. The father bows in return. The service then starts. The service is given either in Japanese or English, or, in some cases, a mix of both. It follows a traditional Protestant ceremony, relaxed and not overtly religious. The opening hymn is usually the Japanese version of "What a Friend We Have in Jesus". After the reading, there is a prayer and a short message, explaining the sanctity of the wedding vows (seiyaku). The bride and groom share their vows and exchange rings. The chapel register is signed and the new couple is announced. This is often followed by the traditional wedding kiss. The service concludes with another hymn and a benediction.
Western weddings
Music often played at western weddings includes a processional song for walking down the aisle (ex: Wedding March) and reception dance music.
Music played at Western weddings includes:
• The "Bridal Chorus" from Lohengrin by Richard Wagner, often used as the processional and commonly known as "Here Comes the Bride" - Note: Richard Wagner is said to have been Anti-Semitic, and as a result, the Bridal Chorus is often not used at Jewish weddings.
• Johann Pachelbel's Canon in D is often used as an alternative processional.
• The "Wedding March" from Felix Mendelssohn's incidental music for the Shakespeare play, A Midsummer Night's Dream, often used as a recessional.

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• The "Toccata" from Charles-Marie Widor's Symphony for Organ No. 5, also used as a recessional.
• Segments of the Ode To Joy, the fourth movement of Ludwig van Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, sometimes make appearances at weddings; its message of unity is suitable for the occasion.
• At wedding receptions, Der Ententanz, a 1950s Swiss Oom-pah song known more commonly in America as The Chicken Dance, has become a popular part of the reception dance music.
Double wedding
A double wedding is a single ceremony where two affianced couples rendezvous for two simultaneous or consecutive weddings. Typically, a fiancé with a sibling might plan a double wedding with that sibling. In the Philippines, however, the wedding of two siblings within the same year is considered bad luck and is called sukob
Destination wedding
A destination wedding is any wedding in which the engaged couple and/or a majority of their guests travel to attend the ceremony. This could be a beach ceremony in the Caribbean, a lavish event in Las Vegas, or a simple ceremony at the home of a geographically distant friend or relative.
Weekend wedding
A weekend wedding is a wedding in which couples and their guests celebrate over the course of a weekend. Special activities, such as spa treatments and golf tournaments, may be scheduled into the wedding itinerary throughout the weekend. Lodging usually is at the same facility as the wedding and couples often host a Sunday brunch for the weekend's finale.
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White wedding
A white wedding is a term for a traditional formal or semi-formal Western wedding. This term refers to the color of the wedding dress, which became popular in the Victorian era and came to symbolize purity of heart and the innocence of childhood. Later attribution suggested that the color white symbolized virginity.
Military wedding
A military wedding is a ceremony conducted in a military chapel and may involve a Saber Arch. In most military weddings the groom will wear a military dress uniform in lieu of civilian formalwear, although military dress uniforms largely serve the same purpose. Some retired military personnel who marry after their service has ended may opt for a military wedding.
Civil wedding
A civil wedding is a ceremony presided over by a local civil authority, such as an elected or appointed judge, justice of the peace or the mayor of a locality. Civil wedding ceremonies may use references to God or a deity (in UK law), but generally no references to a particular religion or denomination. They can be either elaborate or simple. Many civil wedding ceremonies take place in local town or city halls or courthouses in judge's chambers.
Sneak wedding
Eloping, the act of getting married behind people's back and without consent or approval.


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Same-sex wedding
A same-sex wedding or same-gender wedding is a ceremony in which two people of the same sex are married or civilly united. This may be an official and legally recognized event, or, in places that do not allow same-sex marriage, it may simply be a symbolic ceremony designed to provide the opportunity to make the same public declarations and celebration with friends and family that any other type of wedding may afford.
Church wedding
A church wedding is a ceremony presided over by a Christian priest or pastor. Ceremonies are based on reference to God, are frequently embodied into other church ceremonies such as Holy Mass . Customs may vary widely between denominations.
Jewish wedding
A Jewish wedding is a ceremony presided over by someone who can read Hebrew and knows Jewish law, usually, but not necessarily, a rabbi. The rabbi recites the two wedding blessings, reads out the ketubah, and recites the seven blessings, or Sheva Brachot. Today, a second Rabbi or another honored guest is given the privilege of reading the ketubah, and seven other people are given the honor of reciting the blessings. The ceremony concludes when the groom breaks a glass underfoot.
Shinto ceremony
A traditional Japanese wedding ceremony Traditional Japanese wedding customs (shinzen shiki) involve an elaborate ceremony held at a Shinto shrine.


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INTERNATIONAL WEDDING CUSTOMS
Common elements in wedding customs across cultures
A number of cultures utilize the western custom of a bride wearing a white dress. This tradition came to symbolize purity in the Victorian era (despite popular misconception, the white dress did not indicate virginity, which was symbolized by the face veil). Within the ‘white wedding’ tradition, a white dress and veil would not have been considered appropriate for a second or third wedding of a widow or a divorcee. The custom of exchanging rings may be the oldest and most universal symbol of marriage, but the origins are unclear.The ring’s circular shape represents perfection and never-ending love. The rings are exchanged during the wedding ceremony and symbolize the love, faithfulness and commitment of the marriage union. The wedding is often followed by a reception during which the rituals include toasting the bride and groom, the newlyweds' first dance as husband and wife, cake cutting, etc.
Asian customs
Customs vary throughout the Asian continent.
Arabic customs
Arabic weddings vary depending on the country and religion of the bride and groom. Although Christian weddings in the Arab World bear clear similarities to Western weddings, the Muslim weddings in the Arab countries are influenced by Muslim traditions. Muslim weddings (pre-arranged or not) start with a Shaikh and Al-Kitab (book) for the bride and groom. The groom may or may not see his bride until the wedding day. Men and women in wedding ceremonies and receptions are segregated affairs, with areas for both men and women. An old tradition, now rarely observed,
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involves the women at the ceremony symbolically mourning the loss of the bride by doing the "wedding wail". The bride's dress is an ornate Caftan, and the bride's hands and feet are decorated in intricate lace-like patterns painted using a henna dye. Customarily women guests do not show their hair, shoulders or legs; and all guests at a Mosque remove their shoes on entering. Guests may give gifts to the bride and groom. Also, in many Arab countries including Syria, Jordan, Lebanon, and the Palestinian terroritories,the practice of carrying the bride and groom on chairs and dancing in a circle around them is still carried out today. Many times, the bride and groom hold separate corners of a handkercheif. However, these are all the old traditions; Arabs, nowadays, have Western-like weddings, but still preserve most Arab customs and traditions.
Bengali customs
Bengali wedding refers to both Muslim wedding and Hindu wedding in Bangladesh and West Bengal. Although Muslim and Hindu marriages have their distinctive religious rituals, there are many common cultural rituals in marriages across religion among Bengali people.
Chinese customs
Traditional Chinese marriage is a ceremonial ritual within Chinese societies that involve a marriage established by pre-arrangement between families. Within Chinese culture, romantic love was allowed, and monogamy was the norm for most ordinary citizens.
Cantonese customs
Most Cantonese wedding rituals follow the main Chinese wedding traditions, although some rituals are unique to the Cantonese people.
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Filipino Customs
Customs and superstitions regarding marriage in the Philippines vary. Some examples are:
• The groom usually wears the Barong Tagalog during the wedding, along with the male attendants, though nowadays the wealthy opt to don Western attire such as a tuxedo.
• Sukob: weddings held within the same year by two siblings, usually sisters, are frowned upon as it is regarded as bad luck.
• Some hold it that the wedding rings dropping to the ground is a portent of bad luck (this is usually said to the ringbearer to ensure that the child is careful in handling the rings).
Indian customs
Indian weddings are very bright events, filled with ritual and celebration, that continue for several days. They are not small affairs, often with 400-1000 people attending (many of whom are unknown to the bride and groom). Although most marriages are arranged, some couples in urban areas are having love marriages.
Rajput customs
Rajputs - one of the major Hindu Kshatriya groups from India - traditionally had their own typical rituals of marriage as it is one of the most important functions of life. It is relation which is created for seven generations between the two families of the Bride & the Groom. It comprises a ceremony each for the TILAK (engagement), the BAN (starting of the wedding ceremony, MEL the community feast, the Nikasi is the departure of the Bridegroom party for the wedding, Sehla & Dhukav reception of wedding party at the Brides place be her parents. Solemnisation of wedding Sat Fere.
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Japanese customs
Japanese wedding customs fall predominantly into two categories: traditional Shinto ceremonies, and modern Western-style ceremonies. In either case, the couple must first be legally married by filing for marriage at their local government office, and the official documentation must be produced in order for the ceremony to be held.
Malay customs
A Malay wedding ceremony spreads over two days, beginning with the akad nikah ceremony. The groom signs the marriage contract and agrees to provide the bride with a mas kahwin(dowry). After that, their hands are dyed with henna during the berinai besar ceremony. The bride's hair is also trimmed or her eyebrows shaped by a beautician known as the mak andam.
Pakistani customs
A Pakistani wedding typically consist of four ceremonies on four separate days.
Russian customs
A traditional Russian wedding lasts for at least two days and some weddings last as long as a week. Throughout the celebration there is dancing, singing, long toasts, and a lot of food and drinks. The best man and maid of honor are called witnesses, “svideteli” in Russian. The ceremony and the ring exchange takes place on the first day of the wedding and on this special day many events take place. Throughout the years, Russian weddings have adopted many western cultures, including bridesmaids and flower girls.


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European customs
Customs vary throughout the European continent. The Western custom of a bride wearing a white wedding dress, came to symbolize purity in the Victorian era (despite popular misconception and the hackneyed jokes of situation comedies the white dress did not actually indicate virginity, which was symbolized by a face veil). Within the "white wedding" tradition, a white dress and veil would not have been considered appropriate in the second or third wedding of a widow or divorcee. The specific conventions of Western weddings, largely from a Protestant and Catholic viewpoint, are discussed at "White wedding."
A wedding is often followed or accompanied by a wedding reception, at which an elaborate wedding cake is served. Western traditions include toasting the couple, the newlyweds having the first dance, and cutting the cake. A bride may throw her bouquet to the assembled group of all unmarried women in attendance, with folklore suggesting the person who catches it will be the next to wed. A fairly recent equivalent has the groom throwing the bride's garter to the assembled unmarried men; the man who catches it is supposedly the next to wed.
A modern tradition is for brides to wear or carry "something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue" during the service. It is considered good luck to do so. Often the bride attempts to have one item that meets all of these qualifications, such as a borrowed blue handkerchief which is "new to her" but loaned by her grandmother (thus making it old). Another addition to this custom is to wear a penny in your shoe, this will bring you prosperity.



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French customs
In smaller French towns, the groom may meet his fiancée at her home on the day of the wedding and escort her to the chapel where the ceremony is being held. As the couple proceeds to the chapel, children will stretch long white ribbons across the road which the bride will cut as she passes. At the chapel, the bride and groom are seated on two red velvet chairs underneath a silk canopy called a carre. Laurel leaves may be scattered across their paths when they exit the chapel. Sometimes small coins are also tossed for the children to gather.
A traditional French wedding celebration at Château de Hattonchâtel
At the reception, the couple customarily uses a toasting cup called a Coupe de Marriage. The origin of giving this toast began in France, when a small piece of toast was literally dropped into the couple's wine to ensure a healthy life. The couple would lift their glass to "a toast", as is common in Western culture today.
Some couples choose to serve a croquembouche instead of a wedding cake. This dessert is a pyramid of crème-filled pastry puffs, drizzled with a caramel glaze.
At a more boisterous wedding, tradition involves continuing the celebration until very late at night. After the reception, those invited to the wedding will gather outside the newlyweds' window and bang pots and pans. They are then invited into the house for some more drinks in the couple's honor, after which the couple is finally allowed to be alone for their first night together as husband and wife.
Another practice that is becoming more common at wedding celebrations is "beheading" a bottle of champagne with a sabre made for the occasion. It was started as a way for the Hussars (under Napoleon's command) to celebrate victories and exhibit their horseback skills: they would "behead" the top off a bottle of champagne while on horseback. Legend has it that the skilled horsemen would ride at a full
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gallop while brave women held up bottles of champagne. The sabre must strike the neck of the bottle at exactly the right angle (champagne bottles have over 100 pounds of pressure per square inch). This practice spread throughout France as a way to celebrate special occasions. Decorative replicas of these special sabres can be purchased from artisans in Lyon, France (the French capital of cutlery).
Italian customs
In some parts of Italy, a party, known as a Serenade, is thrown outside of the bride’s home by the groom. His family and friends come and wait for the bride, entertaining themselves until she appears. The groom then sings to his bride to further seduce her. Once his song is sung, the party ends. The day of the wedding the groom’s men try their hardest to make the groom as uncomfortable as possible by saying things like “Maybe she forgot where the church is” It is also traditional for the grooms family to give a dowry to the bride and to provide the engagement ring. The bride’s family is then responsible for receiving the guests of the wedding in their home for a reception afterward The color green is very important in the Italian wedding. In Italy, the tradition of some thing blue is replaced with something green. This color brings good luck to the married couple. The veil and brides maids also were important in an Italian wedding. The tradition began in Ancient Rome when the veil was used to hide the bride from any spirits that would corrupt her and the bridesmaids were to wear similar outfits so that the evil spirits were further confused. In Sicilian customs, the dessert course is often presented as a Venetian Table, a dazzling array of pastries, fruits, coffees, cakes, (etc) presented in great quantity with much celebration. This is often called Venetian Hour. After dessert, more dancing commences, gifts are given, and the guests eventually begin to leave. In Southern Italy, as the guests leave, they hand envelopes of money to the bride and groom, who return the gift with a wedding favor, a small token of appreciation.

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RELIGIOUS CUSTOMS
Christian customs
Many religions have extensive teachings regarding marriage. Most Christian churches give some form of blessing to a marriage; the wedding ceremony typically includes some sort of pledge by the community to support the couple's relationship. In the Roman Catholic Church "Holy Matrimony" is considered to be one of the seven sacraments, in this case one that the spouses bestow upon each other in front of a priest and members of the community as witnesses. An argument for the institution of the sacrament of Matrimony by Christ Jesus himself, and its occasion, is advanced by Bernard Orchard in his article The Betrothal and Marriage of Mary to Joseph. [2] [3] [4] In the Eastern Orthodox church, it is one of the Mysteries, and is seen as an ordination and a martyrdom.
Hindu customs
North and South Indian wedding ceremonies are conducted at least partially in Sanskrit, the language in which most holy Hindu ceremonies are conducted. The local language of the people involved is also used since most Hindus cannot understand Sanskrit. They may have rituals that differ fom the modern western wedding ceremony and also among the different regions, families, and castes such as Rajput Wedding, Aggarwal Weddings, Iyer Weddings and Tamil Weddings. The ceremonies are colourful and extend for several days.
Jewish customs
The traditions used in a Jewish wedding vary based on the denomination of Judaism of the people being married. Some of the most common are listed below. The bride (kallah) and groom (chatan) sign a Ketubah (marriage contract). Originally, the Ketubah detailed the husband's obligations to his wife, and provided for monetary
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payment to her in case of divorce. Nowadayst the Ketubah can be adecorative keepsake that sets out expectations for both the bride and groom. In Conservative homes it is typically framed and displayed, while in Orthodox homes it is kept hidden away. The Jewish ceremony generally starts with the bride and groom being escorted to the huppah (Jewish wedding canopy) by both sets of parents. The ceremony takes place under the huppah, and is presided over by a Rabbi. After the vows, seven marriage blessings are read and the groom then smashes a glass with his foot. Often, a lightbulb is smashed instead because it offers a more satisfying crunch. The bride and groom spend time together alone before the reception, which is traditionally a joyous celebration with much music and dancing.
There are several activities that may take place during the reception:
• The wedding breakfast.
• A dance in which the bride and groom hold opposite corners of a handkerchief while they are lifted up on chairs by the guests and whirled around.
• The Krenzl, in which the bride's mother is crowned with a wreath of flowers as her daughters dance around her (traditionally at the wedding of the mother's last unwed daughter).
• The Mizinke, a dance for the parents of the bride or groom when their last child is wed.
• The gladdening of the bride, in which guests dance around the bride, and can include the use of "shtick" -- silly items such as signs, banners, costumes, confetti, and jump ropes made of table napkins.
• The singing of Aishet Chayil to the bride by the groom accompanied by his friends.


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PREFACE
Thanks God The Almighty that we have finished compiling this handout. It is aimed to improve our speaking assignment and to develop our skills.
We are also very grateful to Mr. Drs. Mulyadi, M.A as Cross Culture Understanding’s lecturer who give time to our group in finish this assignment and to many contributions in the preparation of this handout. However, it is far perfection because of the limited time.
\we hope this assignment will give many advantages for us and reader from now on and future.

Palembang, Juny, 5th 2008



Writer









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CONTENTS
Preface …………………………………………………………………………….i
Contents …………………………………………………………………………..ii
Weddings Ceremony and Customs
Indonesia wedding Traditions ………………………………………………...1
United States Wedding Traditions …………………………………………..10
International Wedding Customs …………………………………………….22
Religious Customs …………………………………………………………..29
References ……………………………………………………………………….31








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REFERENCES

www. Google. Com.